Begin your Reset

The Reset — Couples Edition

There’s always more to knowabout the person you love.

The Reset is a guided experience for two people who want to know each other even better. Complete it separately. Come back together. Discover more about what the person beside you needs, values, appreciates, hopes for and wants from the life you’re building — and let them discover the same about you.

Begin your Reset See how it works

Two workbooks. Two perspectives. One chance to get even closer.

Partner A

The Reset

Couples Edition

for me

Partner B

The Reset

Couples Edition

for you

the same question, answered twice

Knowing someone has layers

You know their coffee order.

The way they sleep.

The story they’re about to tell before they tell it.

The look they make when something is on their mind.

And there may still be questions you’ve never thought to ask.

  • R8

    What do I wish my partner understood about me without me having to explain it again?

  • R32

    What makes me feel chosen?

  • R34

    What kind of reassurance do I need most often?

  • R109

    What dream of mine do I most want my partner to understand and support?

  • R42

    What is one small recurring ritual that would make us feel more connected?

  • R117

    What do I want my partner to feel when they think about being married to me?

There are different kinds of knowing someone.

The Reset is about discovering another layer.

How The Reset works

Six movements, at your own pace.

  1. Separate

    Start with your own perspective.

    Each person gets their own workbook. You answer the important questions independently, so your responses come from you — not from watching how your partner answers first.

    “Print two copies. Complete the Couples First module separately before reading answers to each other.” From the workbook

  2. Discover

    Ask the questions that don’t always come up on their own.

    Explore what you need, value, appreciate, hope for and imagine for your future. Twelve sections, from where you are right now to the life you want to build. You will discover things about yourself along the way.

  3. Share

    Let your partner hear the answer from you.

    Come back together and share the responses that matter most. The listener listens to understand rather than to prepare a reply.

  4. Understand

    Make sure what was said is what was heard.

    For important answers, the listener reflects back what they understood. That gives the speaker the chance to say “Yes, that’s what I meant” — or “Not quite, let me explain it differently.”

  5. Build

    Turn understanding into something useful.

    Create shared agreements. Choose what matters. Decide what you want more of, and what you want to build together. The Shared Discussion Sheet is one page you fill in together.

  6. Return

    Because both of you will keep changing.

    Come back after a move, an anniversary, a marriage, a new baby, a career change, a hard season, an exciting one — or simply because it has been a while since you asked each other something real.

A few of the questions

Some of these you’ve talked about. Some you haven’t.

A small sample of real questions from the workbook. Enough to show you the depth — not the whole thing.

How would they answer this?

1 / 18

R32 Reassurance, trust, and feeling chosen

What makes me feel chosen?

R41 Reassurance, trust, and feeling chosen

What is something my partner does that I never want them to stop doing?

R42 Reassurance, trust, and feeling chosen

What is one small recurring ritual that would make us feel more connected?

What you’ll actually explore

Twelve sections. Two rounds.

Round 1 covers what tends to matter most right away. Round 2 goes broader once both of you have been heard. Select a section to see a question from it.

Round 1 — where the wall is highest

Round 2 — once the wall is lower

The read-back

An example of how it sounds

When I’m overwhelmed, I usually don’t want to immediately figure everything out. I want to feel like you’re with me first.

Partner A

What I heard you say is that when I jump straight into solving it, I may be skipping the part where you need to feel supported first.

Partner B

Yes. Exactly.

Partner A

Then you switch.

Being understood isn’t the same thing as being agreed with.

The Reset creates a structure that makes understanding the first goal.

The read-back rule

Speaker reads. Listener summarizes. Speaker confirms or corrects the summary. Then switch. No rebuttal until both people have been accurately heard.

From the workbook

Not just about “us”

You can’t fully understand “us” without understanding “me.”

The Reset began as an individual life audit, and that half is preserved in full. Not to diagnose yourself. Not to become perfect. To better understand the person you are bringing into the relationship.

Sometimes the most useful thing you can tell your partner starts with understanding yourself.

The Original Reset — Individual Life Audit — 88 questions, 17 parts.

  • Where are you right now?
  • The person you thought you would be
  • Who do you believe you are?
  • Values vs. behavior
  • Self-trust
  • Avoidance
  • Energy, mood & activation
  • Health & body
  • Money
  • Work & career
  • Building something of your own
  • Relationships
  • Environment
  • Your future
  • The gap
  • Priorities
  • Action

I12What qualities do you respect most in yourself?

I33What activities reliably make you feel even slightly better afterward? Not necessarily while doing them. Afterward.

I65What is one thing you could do this week that would make them feel loved, respected, supported, or reassured?

I70Imagine your life three years from now if things go extremely well. Describe an ordinary Tuesday.

From conversation to action

Understanding is the beginning. What you build with it comes next.

The Reset does not end in a notebook full of feelings. It ends on a page the two of you fill in together.

Shared Discussion Sheet — Complete this page together after both read-backs. One shared copy is enough.

T1

The three biggest things we agree are working

T3

The needs we discovered are different — but not incompatible

T4

Our conflict pause rule

T5

Our rule for involving parents or family in private issues

T6

Our first financial action

T7

Our first relationship action

T8

Our first future-building action

T9

The conversation we need to schedule separately because it is too important to rush

T10

What we want to remember about why we are choosing each other

  • Understand
  • Choose
  • Act
  • Repair
  • Repeat

The physical workbook

Made to be written in, marked up, and kept.

Coil-bound so it lies flat while you write. Generous space where the question deserves it, compact space where it doesn’t. Continued Thoughts pages on the back of each sheet, tied to a question by its permanent number — so you can keep writing without losing your place.

The same question, answered twice

Two workbooks, open side by side — after you’ve both written. Same questions, same numbers, two different answers.

Conceptual product visualization. The commercial edition is still in production — these are design renderings, not photographs of finished inventory.

The back of the page

Continued thoughts Partner A

Question # R31 Section D

— and the way you always hand me the first coffee.

Question # Section

The back of every sheet, so a long answer never runs out of room.

Coil binding

Lies flat on a table or a lap.

Permanent question numbers

R31 is always R31 — in print, and in whatever comes later.

Room to think

Deeper questions get deeper answer areas.

Shared pages

Agreements you write together, in one place.

Who this is for

The Reset isn’t about what kind of couple you are.

It’s about whether you’re curious about the person you’re with.

You don’t need a reason to want to know someone you love more deeply.

  • Maybe you’ve been together six months.
  • Six years. Twenty-six years.
  • Maybe everything feels exciting.
  • Maybe life has gotten busy.
  • Maybe you’re entering a new chapter.
  • Maybe nothing dramatic is happening at all.

Why this exists

We didn’t create The Reset as a business.

We made it for ourselves. We wanted to understand each other more deeply — not only what each of us thought, but what each of us needed from the other.

So we started asking questions. Then more questions. About the easy things. The difficult things. The things we’d assumed. The things we’d never thought to ask.

We answered separately. Then we sat down together and shared what we’d written. And it did what we’d hoped it would do: it helped us understand each other better and feel closer.

When we finished, we looked at what we’d created differently. Maybe another couple would want the same opportunity. So we decided to turn it into something other people could experience too.

We are not therapists, psychologists, relationship experts or coaches. We’re a couple who made something that helped us become closer, and thought other people might enjoy experiencing it too.

The Reset was created by a husband and wife.

Preorder

The Founding Couples Edition

Two workbooks. Two perspectives. One shared experience.

One workbook for each of you, so you can answer honestly before you compare. Everything the two of us used, redesigned for the way it’s actually written in.

What’s included

  • Two physical Reset workbooks

    One for each partner, so you can answer separately.

  • Couples First — Round 1 & Round 2

    Twelve sections, from where you are right now to the life you want to build.

  • The read-back framework

    The structure that makes understanding the first goal.

  • The Original Reset — individual life audit

    88 questions of personal reflection, preserved in full.

  • Shared Discussion Sheet

    One shared page for the agreements you make together.

  • Expanded writing space

    Deeper questions get larger answer areas, with Continued Thoughts pages.

Where this could go

What if your relationship could remember?

The workbook is the product. Everything below is what we’re building toward next — described honestly as what it is today, which is not finished.

In development

A digital workbook

The same questions, the same numbers, answered on a screen when a notebook isn’t nearby.

In development

Answering out loud

Speak your answer, see the transcript, edit it, and approve it before it is saved. The system never quietly rewrites what you meant and stores its own version instead.

  1. Speak
  2. Transcribe
  3. Review & edit
  4. You approve
  5. Saved
In development

Agreements you can return to

The Shared Discussion Sheet, kept somewhere you can both find it a year from now.

In development

Ask Our Reset

Your partner, translated by your partner.

Not AI guessing why your partner behaves a certain way, and not generic relationship advice from something that has never met them. Answers grounded in what your partner actually wrote and explicitly chose to share.

“How should I bring up money with my partner tonight?”

You ask

Based on what your partner chose to share, they tend to want reassurance that you’re approaching money as a team before moving into solutions. They also said that feeling blamed makes it harder for them to stay engaged. You might begin by making it clear that this isn’t about assigning fault.

The Reset could answer

Illustrative example of a feature in development. Not a live product.

Exploring

Our Reset, as a book

Answers the two of you explicitly approve, turned into one beautifully printed book you keep. Nothing private is ever included without approval.

Privacy

Sharing should be intentional. Privacy should be assumed.

Today the product is paper, and what you write stays with you. As the digital version is built, it is being designed around three separate spaces from the start — not as a setting added later.

My private space

Things that belong only to me.

Shared with my partner

Things I explicitly chose to share.

Ours

Things we intentionally create or agree upon together.

Your relationship isn’t advertising data.

We won’t describe security measures we haven’t built yet.

A quiet note

Feeling understood matters.

Relationship researchers have studied a concept called perceived partner responsiveness — broadly, whether someone experiences their partner as understanding, valuing, and responding supportively to them. It is an idea we found clarifying while making this.

That research is about relationship processes in general. It did not study The Reset, and we make no claim that it validates this workbook. The Reset has not been clinically or scientifically tested.

Reis, H. T., & Clark, M. S. (2013). Responsiveness. In J. A. Simpson & L. Campbell (Eds.), The Oxford Handbook of Close Relationships.

Questions about the questions

No. The Reset is a structured reflection and communication experience. It is not therapy, diagnosis, treatment, or a substitute for professional mental-health care.

No. The Reset was not created for relationships in crisis. It is for couples who want to understand one another more deeply, whatever season they are in. We made it for ourselves at a point when we simply wanted to be closer.

The important sections are designed to be completed separately first, so your answers come from you rather than from watching how your partner answers. Then you come back together to share and discuss what matters most.

No. You may choose to share all of it, selected sections, or only the conclusions. Privacy and personal boundaries should be respected, and future digital versions are being designed to make sharing intentional rather than automatic.

Agreement and understanding are not the same thing. The Reset asks the listener to reflect back what they heard before the conversation moves into explaining, solving, or debating. You can understand someone completely and still see a thing differently.

It’s designed to be completed at your own pace. Some couples move quickly; others spend far longer on a single section. We haven’t run formal timing tests, so we’d rather not invent a number. Round 1 and Round 2 are deliberately separable so you can stop between them.

No. What exists today is the workbook. The digital version, voice answers and Ask Our Reset are in development and are described on this page as future functionality, not as something you can use now.

We haven’t set a shipping date yet, and we won’t invent one. The estimated window will be confirmed here and by email before any card is charged.

This workbook is for reflection, communication, behavior change, and planning. It is not a diagnostic tool or a substitute for professional mental-health or substance-use care. If an answer suggests immediate danger, severe symptoms, or a problem that feels beyond self-directed change, treat that as a reason to seek appropriate support — not as a personal failure.

Not ready yet?

Stay close.

We’re continuing to build The Reset from something we originally made for ourselves into something other couples can experience too.

  • Launch updates
  • Product development
  • New sample questions
  • Physical edition updates
  • Future app news

We’ll only email about The Reset. Unsubscribe any time.

You don’t need to know everything about each other today. You just have to keep learning.

Begin your Reset

Two people. Two perspectives. More to discover.

Keep learning each other.

The person you love is still becoming who they are.

So are you.

Stay curious.